Hey, mama. We have all been there, and we have to admit to ourselves that we have a finite supply of sanity and energy. We all have a lot going on—juggling raising the kids while maintaining a home and everything that fills in the gaps between. When you are navigating postpartum hormones, sleep deprivation, and the general feeling of isolation, the most trivial thing may push you to your breaking point. No, it's not about the store no longer carrying the brand of pickles you always buy, but it's everything that leads up to that point that leaves you standing in aisle two, holding pickles and in tears. Somewhere along the way, we put this unattainable expectation on ourselves that we should be able to balance all the many different parts of our lives.
Author Jen Hatmaker said it best in her book For the Love: "Balance. It's like a unicorn; we've heard about it, everyone talks about it and makes airbrushed T-shirts celebrating it, it seems super rad, but we haven't actually seen one. I'm beginning to think it isn't a thing."
Be Present. You are allowed to spend quality time with your child with zero expectation of getting anything done on the never-ending to-do list. I am giving you that permission right now. Don't dismiss the value of being present and in the moment with your little one. When you feel overwhelmed, when anxiety starts to build up, or when you feel a sense of detachment, one tactic to try is something called "grounding." You can google it and find many different tactics, but the general idea is to focus your senses on what is currently in front of you: what do you see, hear, feel, and smell?
Find Your Tribe. There are many ways to connect with others through online communities, such as Meetup.com, Reddit, and Facebook. Some struggle more when seeing others' "perfect" lives, filtered and fabulous on social media—especially Facebook. Take a break from social media, delete the app from your phone, and find another avenue to connect with others. It's a hard place to be, looking for help and reaching out while also keeping healthy boundaries. Be willing to walk away and say no. "No" is a complete sentence. Do not try to convince yourself to spend energy on things or social circles that are supposed to help but just don't, for one reason or another. I'm not sure of the reasoning behind the phenomenon, but I've found that mom groups come with their own personality, depending on who is in the group and how they interact with each other. Separately, you may love all the moms in the group, but if it becomes too much of a stressor, you're allowed to walk away. Reach out to someone and let them know you are struggling—your spouse, family members, friends, or your church community. These are all people who want to support you.
Seek a Professional. For some reason, investing in your mental health has been a taboo subject for far too long, but I have seen a shift in the conversation that normalizes getting help from a professional. Again, these resources can be found online, and there has also been a shift to less traditional means of therapy. You no longer have to lie on a couch while a man with glasses and a white beard takes notes. Some providers even offer services and guidance via video chat and text message! This can also open up a lot more options when you are limited at home with a little one. If you are having a hard time keeping up, you may also want to talk to your primary care doctor about medication for depression or anxiety. It may be a temporary need to support you while you navigate through your feelings and build a network of support. Taking medication does not mean you are weak or looking for an easy way out. It means you are willing to take care of yourself so you can take better care of your children.
Keep Trying. You may have to try a lot of different things before you find what works for you. You can't give up; be willing to keep trying. Journaling can also be therapeutic. Putting down the phone and writing out your feelings with pen and paper may help you process feelings that feel too overwhelming to share.
When you finally get time to yourself to process, it is very common to feel overwhelmed by the feeling of not being able to relax or be productive enough with your downtime. When I finally had time to myself, I was constantly looking at the clock with an urgent feeling of the countdown, instead of actually enjoying my break. Work a little downtime for yourself into your routine. Every Wednesday, go to the library for an hour by yourself, or take a walk—something that gets you away from your little one and anything else that may be feeding you negative thoughts or overstimulating you at the moment. The most important thing you can do is to give yourself space, time, and grace.